Beauty of the unknown


So many people fear the unknown.

For a period of time I lived my life in a very calculated manor, I had everything all planned out.  In fact if you looked close enough, my plans even had baby offspring plans.  I had this large white board on my bedroom wall with every portion of my day figured out.  I knew when I was waking up,working out, going to business meetings and whatever was left over I would delegate to who ever made a plan with me ahead of time.

This is a photograph I took of my calendar June 2014 when my whole life took a new direction.
This is a photograph I took of my calendar June 2014 when my whole life took a new direction.

Beyond having the things that were priorities posted on my white board I would jot down thoughts to remember like, “Don’t make important choices based off your emotions.” or “Your body is a temple, treat it like one!”   It’s easy to write those things when you have a momentary mental break through, but application in the heat of the moment is still a challenge for me.  I do give myself credit that those are even thoughts that bounce around in my head. Any size step in the right direction is a still a step in the right direction.  My planned life worked for me.  Knowing is comfortable. Not knowing, and being okay with that takes a certain kind of confidence, and trust.

When I was 9 I sat at the top of the stairs crying for an hour because I was convinced the boogie man was waiting for me in my room down the dark ominous hallway.  I wanted desperately to get in my room, and shut the door to escape the screaming match going on down stairs between my sister and mom, but I was paralyzed by fear because the creature from the preview I saw on TV earlier was surely waiting to get me.  I wasn’t safe anywhere; not in my mind, not in my house. I quietly sobbed, until my mom discovered I was still awake, causing additional issues in my world.  Why do our minds do that?  They use our unconsciousness to play games on us.  I know I am not the only one who’s mind at one point or another has sent them in a down spiral of irrational fear.  It happens all the time in different forms. Jealousy. Self-doubt. Uncertainty. Insecurity.  In fact, I had a gal from work recently tell me she is still afraid of the dark. An adult woman paying way more than she ever should on PG&E every month because she is afraid of what might exist where she cannot see in the comfort of her own home.  We become a slave to our mind when we listen, and perceive everything it tells us as truth.

One thing I learned during my leadership program was to question things.  Just because something was said to be so, doesn’t necessarily make it so.  For example: I was told my whole life I hated blueberries.  This stemmed from an incident when I was 2 years old, and my dad gave me a bite of his blueberry yogurt.  He picked me up, lifted me over his head and I gagged up said yogurt (why being inverted, and just a baby was never factored into account we may never know).  Now, I claimed for the next two decades of my life with confidence that I didn’t like blueberries, and this story I was told over and over was my evidence.  At 22 I started reflecting on my life, and I decided that maybe somethings I grew up believing may not be so. This was liberating, guess what I discovered?!? I like blueberries!!

Pre-Epiphany an un-known lifestyle seemed somewhat irresponsible and unstable to me.  It seemed so blueberry (before I knew I liked them).  I grew up on a schedule: school, sports, at dads these days, at moms those days.  Amidst the chaos, the schedule provided peace of mind.  As I evolve into my own unique individual I seek out blueberry moments.  I want to challenge my programmed mind. I want to turn the light on in it, and utilize its raw power to lift me up, rather then allow its magnificent force to linger on fear mode.

Since I made the mental shift that has allowed me to embrace un-known moments in my life things have felt more meant to be than ever before.  I let things fall as they may, as opportunities in all different forms present themselves.  The best adventures happen when you didn’t plan an adventure in first place.

One way to allow things to come to you is to be okay doing things alone. YES, i said it.. ALONE.  Eat out, alone! Go on a nature hike, alone! Camp, alone!  Go to the movies, alone!  I like going places alone, I don’t think it is scary.  So many people shudder, and are turned off by this concept.  A human who is comfortable enough with only their own company exudes high quality energy.  If our life unwinds through our eyes and our perception only, why spend your time waiting for other people to do things?  Often times when you are on these solo missions you end up crossing paths with some of the coolest people.

Yasir & I, in the middle of our fun filled day of exploration.
Yasir & I, in the middle of our fun filled day of exploration. Hawaii.

For instance, say your in Hawaii, and you met a new friend for coffee in the morning and you have no other plans to speak of.  The day prior you had gone off alone, map in hand, and discovered this amazing waterfall.  Still excited and inspired from your fun filled solo mission, you tell your friend this story and he asks you to take him on an adventure. BOOM there you are, a tour guide of the town you have been on for two days, climbing trees, and jumping off rocks into the water.

It is liberating waking up to a day that involves no limitations because mentally your free, and available for things to flow into your life as they may.

There is a certain freeing beauty in honoring your values and priorities each day, but letting the universe take care of the details.  Today I didn’t know where I was going, but I hopped in my car.  I followed the road making turns that felt right on streets I had never been.  I found a magical stopping point, and proceeded to explore all it had to offer.  You see sometimes it is okay to not know where your going and trust that as long as you take action to go you’ll end up where your supposed to be.

Thanks to me I got where I wanted to go all the while not knowing where I was going, trusting I would land where I wanted to be.  Ha!
Thanks to me I got where I wanted to go all the while not knowing where I was going, trusting I would land where I wanted to be. Ha!

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