Boundaries

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Boundaries: a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

What is interesting about boundaries is they aren’t always material or physical.  You can’t always see them with the naked eye.  What is more interesting about boundaries is so often it is the boundaries that exist beyond the material world, the ones your can’t see with the naked eye, the boundaries that are metaphysical, emotional, and ethereal that are so paramount to our human experience.

Certainly the walls that make up our house, the road ways/sidewalks that organize our navigation, and the space where the rock stops and the cliff drops off are all relative and necessary to be aware of.  However, it is our energetic/emotional boundaries that truly rule it all.

When we are unclear with ourselves about our emotional/energetic boundaries we wind up in situations that don’t serve us, make us feel off, unsettled, vulnerable, taken advantage of.

“Unfortunately, our spirit isn’t the only influence on these boundaries.  Our parents, relatives, ancestors, schools, religious institutions, friends, enemies, coworkers, bosses, news sources, and the culture at large also have their say—for our good or ill.  Life events, from the chronically negative to one-time traumas, can also keep our boundaries from developing or staying in harmony with our true spiritual essence.” -Cyndi Dale

One piece of brilliant advice that my Grandfather gave me when I started traveling the world alone was, “Everybody has a hustle.”  Ain’t that the truth?

You do.

I do.

That person over there does.

We all have a hustle.

But none of us particularly want to be hustled.

When we establish healthy boundaries within ourselves and begin to combine our hustle/vision with others there is a symbiotic magic that happens.  As we learn to unite together in really positive ways, no longer does one person in the equation feel like their being hustled or used, but all parties efforts begin to uplift and ripple out; elevating the world around them for the better.

So why am I pondering boundaries as of late??

In general I feel boundaries are things that we need to consistently sit with and evaluate.

Boundaries are not linear.

Life is not linear.

As I sit here and reflect on areas where my boundaries are unclear, compromised, and muddled the past few months I feel somewhat uncomfortable and unsettled on my insides.

In some areas I feel too rigid, making me easily perceived as unavailable.

In some areas I feel too permeable, making me easily taken advantage of.

In some areas I feel like there are gaps/holes, leaving me vulnerable for anything and anyone to walk through.

Thus, I find myself in heavy evaluation of several experiences where I wonder in what ways could I have better honored my core boundaries, so that my physical world and how it is unfolding will materialize in greater accordance with my deepest dreams and desires.

What exactly have I been grappling with?

Polygamy.

Ecstatic dances.

A Shamanic Encounter.

Business.

Partnerships & Co-creation


P O L Y G A M Y

Lets start with the most controversial one- shall we?

Look Sacramento, I am not here to judge.

Y’all keep doing y’all with each other.

Primary.

Secondary.

Tircherary.

Rock on, with your intergalactic multi-partnered love octagons.

What I am here to claim and state to the world is what I am willing to invite into my life and what I am not.

B O U N D A R I E S.

Call me traditional, call me old school, If you ask me…

A 1-1 ratio is plenty.

While I fully support all you humans and your choices to juggle the ins and outs of multiple partners and all their bits and pieces, it doesn’t resonate with me.  I say this oh so confidentially because 3 years ago I decided to give it a college go after meeting a man that subscribes to the polly life.  A man who I truly believe is one of my twin flames in this world.

That being said I’ll play devils advocate for a moment:  I am receptive to the thought that maybe the issue in my polly experience is- I was not the primary partner in the dynamic mentioned above, and every other man who has approached me is seeking a 2nd or 3rd connection in his world.  So whoooo knows, maybe I am boldly claiming I am not polly and it could be I just need to be someones main thang??

Ultimately I just really don’t feel like getting halfway through another date to find out about his primary partner.

I take personal responsibility for the part I play in these interactions.  I believe the reason I keep finding myself in these scenarios is because my spirit is so damn free, and my interests put me in the same circles as all these free love people.   Ergo the assumption is made that I operate similarly.

So how do I create these boundaries?

*Girl throws hands in air* I mean I am here and I am writing because I don’t have the solutions.  My hopes are that perhaps grappling with the subject and pounding away the key board might connect some thoughts; giving me at least an Ah-ha moment or two.

I suppose as far as this topic goes I just need to feel comfortable asking “Are you monogamous,” upfront before I go out with or share my info with someone. 


E C S T A T I C  D A N C E S

Boy oh boy I am a lover of movement.

90% of the time I move alone, swimming through seas of dancers making eye contact briefly as I continue to navigate, so I can acknowledge their presence and our shared joy for the rhythm that currently moves us, but also maintain my personal space and experience.  I do this as well because though you may think we are onto the next topic- the polygamy thing is ever so present among the ecstatic dance crowd.

At times the movement I express through my body is highly sensual, so yet another boundary I am having to examine lately is one between me, the dance floor, and the humans I am sharing it with.

Recently I shared a dance with someone, and immediately afterward I silently cried right there on the dance floor.

Why?

Because it was so fucking beautiful and fluid that the attraction I already had for this person was amplified.  As we parted ways on the dance floor I knew that’s all it was.  Just a dance.

And on the real, I so deeply seek a dance partner with that much magic on and beyond the dance floor, into the kitchen, the grocery store, the park, all of lives adventures.

Part of me is nervous that I might be signaling to the universe that I don’t have space for the person that can offer all the things if I am giving so much attention to someone who isn’t actually available.

Is it ever really just a dance?  For me- I’m not sure that it is.  Movement shared with another person can be so intimate, especially when there is such a sensual charge involved.

B O U N D A R I E S.

Side bar: Often times I wonder where the boundary is between over thinking and being cautious about your energetic emissions.  Hah.


A  S H A M A N I C  E N C O U N T E R

Ahh the spiritual guru.

He who has boundless wisdom.

He who has all the right words.

He who reads energy better than his first language.

Recently I found myself in a situation where I felt my boundaries getting blurry right before my eyes.

I made acquaintance with a person through an ecstatic dance (oh how it is all tied together) and then he showed up to one of my park yoga classes, he told me he was a shaman, and a high priest.

After class he wanted to do a reading for me, I accepted, and it quickly turned into me having to give offerings to the witches and deities as soon as possible.  I technically had free time, and I recently was opened up to the importance of prayer and making pachamama offerings, so I went along for the ride.

If you don’t already know this about me:

I am a free spirit.

I am a spiritual creature.

Personally I feel so immature and young in my spiritual quest at this point, so where my boundaries stand here were honestly very confusing when I was put on the spot.  I believe this man is a good person, I believe his intentions and offering were pure, but in the days to come I felt sooo energetically bombarded.

Receiving a text message 59 lines long proclaiming his fear of losing me, mentioning he has no ulterior motives and naming the tree he and I sat under, “the beloved.”

B O U N D A R I E S.

Heck, devils advocate again, I suppose maybe if I were hot for this gentleman my blog would be talking about the explosive love I was swept away by last week. Shrugs.

Ultimately if it doesn’t feel right in your belly to you, it isn’t right for you.

That doesn’t make it wrong. 

It just makes us different, and life wouldn’t be exciting if we were all the same anyway.

Yet for me in this situation, I felt heavily conflicted by his advances.  Mainly because I am a student of life and after our shared time together I’m certain I could learn from him in many ways, but it is critical to remember that just because someone is farther along on a path than you doesn’t mean that you’re missing out if you politely decline future connections.  Especially if a part of the engagement doesn’t resonate with you.   There are boundless teachings from infinite sources out there


B U S I N E S S

She

Flyin’

Solo.

By that I mean, I no longer am an Employee to anyone.  The transition from gainfully employed to somewhat painfully self-employed (hah) was one that caught me off-guard, as in, in my premeditated personal planning I was aiming to take the full leap maybe 2 years from now.

As most of us know by now divine time lines and human time lines are two very different things.  As per divine time lines will – June 1st – I found myself in a position where creations that have come through my own efforts were the only things keeping me a float.

What is cool about being the baby bird that gets booted prematurely from the nest by a gust of wind, is by instinct to avoid certain death (or in my case homelessness and starvation) the little birdie that thought it wasn’t ready starts flappin’ its motha’ fuckin’ wings.  To its surprise the sensation that was initially fear and terror, morphs into freedom and exhilaration.  

Like the bird in this story I have expanded in ways my logical mind was rationalizing I wasn’t ready for yet, so here I find myself typing belly full and still a resident of East Sacramento.

My boundaries start to come into question a few different ways:

  1. How personally I take cancellations and last minute re-scheduling.  I have to remain professional, compassionate, and understanding with my clientele, but obviously I am a human so when my livelihood relies so heavily on each client to show up it affects my psyche a great deal each time plans change.
  2. Additionally I have to learn where and when to give myself permission to turn off the hustle, the marketing, the promoting and allow myself the gift of downtime because there is just as much, if not more, value in that.

C O – C R E A T I O N / P A R T N E R S H I P S

As I dive deeper into me I am syncing up with humans that I share like-minded visions and dreams with.

As I find this resonance it cultivates a fertile environment for the propagation of co-creation; a beautiful happening where more than one mind sync together and visions merge and play off of each other.

For these visions to come to fruition in a way that feels like all voices are heard and valued B O U N D A R I E S  are a very critical element.

Many different things are at play right now in my world, and in the worlds of those inspired individuals around me.

It’s fucking beautiful.

And while I see myself adding magic that I offer to all of the things these dynamic humans are bringing into the world there is a certain amount of discernment that I feel like needs to be implemented.

You have gifts.

I have gifts.

That person over there has gifts.

But just because we think we can make something better doesn’t mean that it is the right place, time, or way to go about it.

In some ways I have felt like I have been on both sides of this scenario recently.

I recently birthed a vision of mine, and it came across as if a person attending only participated to then advertise their thing and try and insert their talents into my future things.  Hands down this one is a magical creature indeed, but to me there was a lack of respect and boundaries for what I was creating in that moment.  The approach of this human had hustle over tones and I walked away feeling, “I appreciate what you bring to the table, but no thank you.”

It’s sort of like a toddler will always reach for a big yummy lollipop if your holding it near them, or if you’re having one yourself the toddler might whine and beg for one too.  Now if you take the very same lollipop and aggressively try to shove it in the kids mouth with no warning and scream in a mean tone at them: HERE IS A LOLLIPOP TAKE THE LOLLIPOP, they’ll likely panic, cry, and then have a lollipop complex that they need therapy for later in life.

DISCERNMENT. TACT. BOUNDARIES

On the flip side, I have a friend who is organizing an event to come in the future, and boy would I love to be involved in some way.  I resisted pitching the idea for so long because with discernment in my heart I don’t want to over step the boundary and strain the friendship in anyway.  Eventually I made my approach in what I hope felt like the most laid back, easy going, no pressure way, but there was still fear in my heart that it may be misconstrued.

It is a fine line we dance in co-creation if it is US that are attempting to insert ourselves into a creation of another that already exists.  When it comes to approach courtesy and tact are crucial. And when it comes to receiving the response compassion and understanding are vital should your vision not feel attuned for what they already have curated.

Timing is critical, and the only timing that is real is, DIVINE TIMING.

Co-creations that are birthed between two or more visionaries are partnerships, and open line of communication and clear discussions are what allow these gatherings, visions, dreams, and events to flow with symbiotic palpable harmony.

As I stated waaaayyyy up there… (points to top of blog)

When we establish healthy boundaries within ourselves and begin to combine our hustle/vision with others there is a symbiotic magic that happens.  As we learn to unite together in really positive ways, no longer does one person in the equation feel like their being hustled or used, but all parties efforts begin to uplift and ripple out; elevating the world around them for the better.


TO WRAP THIS WORD SALAD UP

If you stayed with me till now,

here I am,

bringing it homeeee.

I can not speak for anyone else.

I can only speak for me.

At the end of the day this is what I try to remember…

“Setting healthy boundaries is essential for our physical and emotional well-being.  We each have a need to care for our unique nature, enforce certain limits, and maintain self-respect.  Tune into your central power source as you create and relate into the world with healthy boundaries.  When your boundaries are too weak you may give away too much, let too much in, or set yourself up for unhealthy dependency.  If your boundaries are too rigid or thorny, you can become tense and isolated.  Either extreme can be physically and emotionally draining over time.  Recognize habits that drain your energy and discover this tender balance for yourself.  The positive impact of healthy clear boundaries will ripple into every aspect of your life.” – Aarona Lea

Boundaries are not linear.

Life is not linear.

T H A N K YOU for being on this intergalactic voyage with me,

I look forward to future CO-CREATIONS.

 

 


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