Lately I keep recognizing this feeling that I am falling arise within me. I don’t feel like I am falling in a literal sense of falling over on accident as humans sometimes do, and not in a way of nervously falling an obscenely huge distance in a dream and you wake up just before you splat. This is more like where you find yourself standing with a firm, grounded foundation, and consciously you allow all your weight to pour back knowing that there is something behind you to receive your human safely, but it is slightly unnerving because you’re not entirely certain what that something is.
The moments I have recognized that falling feeling come up inside me are when I am in conversation with someone, or myself, and the topic of what is next in life is brought up. Things like, what and where I will call home in the next six months, year, five years, or how much effort and discipline will I need to expand and stabilize my career as an esthetician. I am finding myself in uncharted territory when it comes to both. There is a certain amount of pressure present, being that living quarters are relatively dependent on income, and when one is relatively self-employed income is contingent on personal efforts.
Imagine you’re about to go on the biggest roller coasters known to man blindfolded without having seen it first. Let that feeling settle.
You’re on the coaster and you feel your front body sinking into your back body as you hear the click, click, click, click, click sounds of incline.
Now, this falling feeling I keep noticing surface in me is accompanied with a sensation that is comparable to the moment your breath gets taken away a little bit in the first few seconds your body crests the tip top and plunges down that first drop of said coaster. I’m sure you are familiar with that gasp of momentary weightlessness. It has elements of thrill, nervous butterflies, and exhilaration.
I have been concentrating and reflecting on this falling feeling in efforts to understand how it is different from the first two falls I mentioned. Where an accidental fall is blunt harsh and often painful, and a dream fall is rapid and terrifying; I have detected that this fall stands apart because it has trust woven throughout it. I realize as my weight shifts back and I release my need to control every last detail of what may come in my world things are starting to open up in new ways. I replace my desire for control with focus on purpose, self-promotion, progression, and intention.
Control is consuming and limiting, am I right? Think about it it.. We can only project controls mentally for that which we already know and I don’t know about you, but I want my world to grow and expand beyond what I already know. I want to surprise myself. Don’t you want to surprise yourself?
We have all the power in the world to steer how we experience the unknown curves, falls, and plunges we will inevitably encounter on our paths ahead.
A previous me may have related her current moment to the falling we experience when in a dream: threatening and scary. But that is not how I see it now, which is pretty awesome because that means my eyes have changed. I have a more grounded perspective on the unknown. A whole new world! (insert Disney song)
I am trust falling into my career, committing to do something every day, even if it’s small, to expand my reach in the community.
I am trust falling into my next space of residence, committing to embracing the next without comparing it harsh to the current.
Most importantly I am trust falling into myself, recommitting to nourishing my body, brain and soul: with good food, solid life practices, and genuine mutual human interaction.
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