Attached, Robbed, & Starting Fresh.

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ATTACHED

Why do we get so attached?

What we experience attachment to varies based on the individual but as sure as we are human, we are sure to have attachments.  While we can attach to anything, the most common areas where attachment tends to occur are relationships(of any kind), pets, inanimate objects, a certain feeling, or even an activity.

Among many other things I am attached to the feeling of stability and sometimes I catch myself feeling as though to be loved I have to be constantly proving I am worthy by working hard.  Which in turn means that if I want something in life, I tend to make myself prove to myself that I am worthy in some fashion or another.  For instants, if I find myself wanting something that seems impractical or expensive I will orchestrate some type of challenge that ONLY when I complete it will I give myself permission to do or purchase said thing. In more simple terms I tend to run off a reward based mindset.  Do this, get that.Photo on 2015-05-06 at 18.18 #5

Prior to my most recent 21 day challenge I did a mini cleanse that involved 12 days of no drinking and no facebook. It was inspired by my desire for headphones that are sweat resistant and won’t budge during my workouts.  I accomplished my 12 day mini cleanse and I rewarded myself with a pair of BOSE headphones.  They changed my life at the gym, finally my crazy sauna yoga jams were no longer interrupted by a sweaty ear bud falling out!!  Even working on my blog at the coffee shop was flowing more beautifully with my new high quality sound devices that got me in the zone.

Quiet recently I spent a few hours wallowing in this deep seeded pit of sadness and anger because as I was making my way to the gym I went to grab my precious headphones, they were gone.  I looked. Looked some more and without much hesitation I concluded someone stole them while I was camping.  The misery. Why would someone do that? I just laid on my bed crying.  Yes, even at the time I knew how silly my reaction was but my mind couldn’t get more than a few thoughts down the positive path before it ran right back to dwelling on…   The money I spent. The thought I put into the purchase.  The effort I had expended for 12 days to even allow myself to make the purchase in the first place.  The blasphemy that someone would go into my things and take my headphones.  How will I work out? How will I get my writing done?

SHEER INSANITY.

Then later that day I found the headphones.  *PALM TO FOREHEAD*

MAN, did I feel silly.

It made me realize how easily attached we can get to things and how when you start seeing the world through your own two eyes, with your own perspective of what you deserve, it doesn’t allow much space for the bigger picture.  It also showed me how self induced the feeling of suffering can be.

When I thought they were gone forever I knew how small of me it was to react the way I did but then I found them and it felt like I didn’t even deserve to use them because clearly I have an unhealthy relationship with them.  Ha. I know, I know, even I have a hard time keeping up with my logic.

ROBBED

So why does the title of this blog have robbed if in the end I had my head phones all along? Indeed it wasn’t much of a robbery, unless you want to count my over reaction robbing me of what could have been a really well spent sunny Friday morning.

Well my dear friends not long after the headphone experience I was legitimately robbed..  And then this piece of writing that I already had been working on about attachment became all the more relevant.  Perhaps because I found my head phones I didn’t actually learn the lesson on attachment that the world was intending, so the car theft occurred in order for me to really get the picture. Who knows.

C'est La Vie
    C’est La Vie

There is this feeling that comes over you when you get off your second lunch shift at your new job and your car is no longer where you left it.  Surreal disbelief coupled with an ever increasing mixture of anxiety and despair.  A lot of anger toward myself for…

A. Having a disgusting amount of personal valuables in my car

B. Not having full coverage.

You know that thing we tend to do to ourselves when something occurs and you see so plain as day all the things you could have done to make the situation less shitty on yourself (I believe the saying goes hindsight is 20/20)

I was feeling like they should write a “Don’t do it this way, for dummies” Inspired by the life of Karissa Anderson.

As the days pass I am recognizing I need to move on and get over the financial & sentimental set backs.  The last few days I have been changing passwords, canceling cards, calling creditors, reporting the phone stolen, to make it somewhat more challenging for someone to take over my whole life.  It still doesn’t feel like enough.  The mystery of who done it, is still gnawing at me.  I mean beyond the items of value, there were items in that car that money can’t buy, gone.  Probably discarded for the wolves to eat (hah, so dramatic).  The girl in me wants to list off detail by detail all 65+ items that were in the car so you could fully grasp the gravity of the situation, but I’ll spare you.

STARTING FRESH

What time is it? TIME TO START FRESH
  What time is it? TIME TO START FRESH

DEAR CRIMINAL: Okay first off, bravo!!  Congratulations person who robbed me.  I am just going to settle with the possibility that you are in a spot in life where if I were in your shoes I would have done the same thing. There was some good quality material in there and I hope that you were able to sell it all off to loving new homes for top dollar so that you can feed your family for many months to come.  I now resign my sorrows for bigger things in life.

The past few weeks have showed me while some sufferings in our lives are miseries of our own creations, others are completely out of our control.  Through awareness and recognition no matter what the circumstance you can work through it all.  It seemed harder to work through the emotional feeling of suffering when I was blaming myself for things that were out of my control.  The car theft wasn’t personal, though it certainly felt like it.  Yes, it was a considerable setback but at this rate it’s about letting go of the irreplaceable and the replaceable alike and moving on.

There is a silver lining to every cloud, I am thankful this life lesson has been learned here in the states.  With another batch of world travel on my horizon I am now seeing things much differently.  Where before I was a pretty trusting traveler, now I see that given even a small window of opportunity someone who is living a life where the struggle is real may not think twice when it comes to stealing from another.

Moving forward I shall exercise more caution when it comes to assuring valuables are protected.

While recognizing that maybe some things just weren’t meant to be mine forever and that is OKAY.

All things considered, I live an incredibly blessed life.

I am so thankful for the friends and family that fill my world.


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