I experienced the raw healing power of sacred grandmothers last night. Had I not been told they were in the room this piece of writing may have started something along the lines of, “I reached spiritual enlightenment briefly last night while meditating.”
I went to a group meditation for the full moon at Serenity Spa. I teach yoga in this space every week, and had been meaning to get to one of these full moon events sooner. You can bet from here on out I will prioritize attending each one.
I taught my regular Thursday evening class and had about 30 minutes before the meditation began, naturally I went outside to the top of the parking garage so I could watch the sky change as the sun sank deeper below the horizon. Man oh man, the sky will always be a place of home to me. Gazing at the pink rays striping their way up through the darkening blues I pondered possibility and felt gratitude for all the gifts of life. Eventually I became aware of time and checked my clock, 7:05pm, time to scoot to this mediation. So I parted ways with the sky and made moves back to the studio. As I walked I reminded myself a few things to prepare my headspace for the meditation: be with your breath, be present, be receptive, hold no expectation, let go of desire.
We all filed around the back entrance and were welcomed into a highly sage’d space with different heated herbs inoculating the room. I took my seat, closed my eyes and began to really listen to the women as they shared and navigated us into meditation. There was a slight rustling, and then it was mentioned that two sacred grandmothers entered the room and would be joining us for healing. I didn’t think to look back, my eyes were closed, I was in it, and I was in such awe afterwards that they were gone before I ever even stood up to leave the room. (or maybe they were somewhere in the room, but I didn’t think to look for them, I am having a twinge of low key regret that I didn’t immediately approach them afterward as I reflect right now hah)
So here I am sitting, inhaling medicinal herbs, the reverberation and throb of live drumming making every cell vibrate. Overall I was with my breath and out of my mind in a way that I haven’t quite reached in my home meditation practice yet. In waves my thinking mind would regurgitate the days experiences and deep rooted memories from the past in hopes I will begin to analyze, resisting the urge to indulge the mind I thanked it kindly for its suggestions and returned to my breath.
Sometime later I remembered that there were healing grandmas in this room, and for some reason my brain took me down a dark path. The drumming began to take an intense dark rampant tone, it’s deep, it’s loud, it’s a few beats away from rhythmic, it encourages and fuels the fire of the dark story that has begun to play out in my mind.
“What if these grandmas surround me and slit my throat in some sort of full moon sacrifice?” The drumming quickened and got louder, I envisioned them coming around me and unthinkable strange dark things occurring. Drumming even more intense now. I worried, “What if they say something mean and it sticks with me for the rest of my life?”
And then just as my body began to tighten, my breath shorten, and anxiety was preparing to fully set in I realized what was happening and what I needed to do. I realized good ol fear made an appearance this evening, for no reason other then that is what fear does. It shows up and it tries to sink its teeth in you, and tries to keep you down. Now fear is not the problem, some fear is vital because some fear is healthy. For instance, it is important to be afraid of things and activities that can physically kill you, if your goal is to live out a long happy life. However, in this situation where I was safe on all counts this fear baby bubbling up in my mind was unfit to sink its teeth any deeper into my moment. So I took a very slow deep inhale and reminded myself: I am safe. I am open. Be present. Be receptive. I felt my muscles begin to relax and soften the drumming was still intense but I could appreciate it more now that it wasn’t the background music to the scary movie playing in my head; where I was the lead character about to be annihilated and everyone in the movie theater is telling me to run but I am just sitting there with my eyes closed, haha. Relieved as ever, I was back to my breath.
By now the room is very heated and I am pretty much in full sweat. When I practice at home I usually sit between 10-30 minutes and if I had to guess we were maybe 45 minutes in at this point so there were minor aches and numbness through my body that I was aware of but trying not to focus on.
Several minutes later perfectly blended in with the steaming herbs and burning sage I detected the scent of grandma. I then felt the slightest acknowledgement of presences on the outer edge of my right knee. It was incredibly faint. Like if a butterfly landed on my pants and then immediately took flight again. Also like if I didn’t know Sacred Grandmothers were in the house I may have not even noticed.
I was sitting with my back supported, knees up, and soles of my feet on the earth. Very slowly starting with the soles of my feet, then toes, then whole foot all the pressure and weight of my legs lifted. Each muscle became free of all tension.
Up my body this continued, I was in an utter state of awe. A soft warming sensation paired with the weight of the world being extracted from my whole person traveled up my body. Once the sensation reached my head I still felt the strength and presence of my body, but I was weightless. Totality at its finest! Each inhale went straight to space between my eyebrows and I became lighter and lighter. I felt like I was being supported so deeply without even being actually touched; it was as if these women blanketed my entire energetic field so closely and so intimately that their healing energy absorbed every last morsel of strain and resistance that ever existed in my body. I repeat, they weren’t even actually touching my skin. I am still so amazed.
There are only three places in the world I feel like can best describe how supported I felt. The womb, a caterpillars cocoon, and floating in the ocean. I mean- I have never been in a caterpillars cocoon, but I imagine it may be comparable.
Complete and utter AWE.
Slowly I began to feel the Grandmothers move on. Just as subtly as they engulfed my energetic field they removed themselves from it and I began to feel everything human about my body once again. As I moved back into my body I felt lighter, deeply grateful and compassionate. Fully humbled by the otherworldly powers that had just surrounded my being.
I find it very interesting I did an Instagram post yesterday morning:
I write you here and now to say I stand corrected!!
Sorry ocean, I still dig you, but Sacred Grandmothers are far more powerful.